"Look lads, Rupert Murdoch's Sun has taken over. He's got the big cheque books and if he's prepared to pay to hell with any rules or regulations, any understandings, any customs, any traditions, it's all up for grabs.' That's called New Labour. I am profoundly shocked.
"What an extraordinary story, that people who every day take calculated risks with their lives are expected to earn relatively small sums of money whilst people who get themselves taken hostage, in circumstances which are worth exploring, can make a killing. I have never heard anything so appalling."
Thus spake Heseltine (Guardian, 10th April), and once again I find myself agreeing with a Tory. "I wasn't raped", says Fag-ash Faye, and that's her story. They kept me apart from the others, she complains. In the navy they all bunk down together you see. Having abolished rum and the lash it seems that the Andrew has decided to eradicate the third fine old naval tradition by mixing the sexes below deck.
Then there's that other naval tradition, wearing pyjamas over day clothes.Why else would that poor fellow complain, "They made us strip and put on Pyjamas"?
Then there was poor "Mr. Bean". How did he survive the ordeal? Bad news for him, I'm afraid. He's going to find that it's not only those wicked Iranians who'll be calling him Mr. Bean from now on.
So now the British Navy is a joke all over the world, except in Britain where disgust is the common reaction.
There used to be an Official Secrets Act, signed by all armed service personnel. Has that been quietly dropped, along with resisting capture, and volunteering only name, rank and number?
When I was doing my bit even telling a civvy the colour of army issue socks was, in theory, a chargeable offence. If they wanted to shut you up they had means to hand. Now , it seems, the MoD wrings its hands and claims it is powerless to act.
So when will the Bloody Sunday killers be talking to the press?