Although I have not yet succumbed to the lure of reality television it is difficult to avoid the trailers the channels put on just before other programmes start. Thus I know that there are two elements essential to this form of entertainment-
i) someone has to break down and cry, and
ii)an inordinate amount of hugging is called for.
Soon there will be a clip show called, "100 Best Reality Show Sob Sessions", and another called "100 Best Reality Show Hugs".

I don't expect to see Christopher Brookmyre's Reality TV proposal commissioned -

Instead of a show that intrudes upon, patronises and humiliates "ordinary" people, I suggest one that intrudes upon, patronises and humiliates TV presenters and the executives behind these abominations; a show that takes apart their lives, foibles and failings and then helps them reconstruct themselves in a manner more acceptable to the prejudices of the programme's target demographic.

"This week, we'll be meeting Tabitha. She's a successful television presenter with her own production company, but she doesn't know which lap-dancing club her coke-addled boyfriend is currently favouring, and is still trying to prove her worth to a father who always seemed to love her older sister more. She recently spent more than she pays her char per annum to have her home 'spiritually cleansed', owns a wardrobe worth more than the average house and hasn't worn the wrong thing since her second-form end-of-term disco. Nonetheless, she wouldn't be able to tell you the name of the prime minister without Googling, and can't find her own £40,000 wet-room without her PA relaying directions via her BlackBerry. Tonight, we're going to help her calculate the true worth of her existence using our famous vacu-ometer. Then, after we've talked her down from the ledge, we'll have our regular consultant Deirdre on hand to give Tabitha some tips on building relationships with people whose affection won't be conditional upon her haircut."

The show is going to be called: So You Want to be a Bit Less of a Twunt.