TONY BLAIR, THE ARCH-ZIONIST, AMONG FRIENDS

"I admire the fortitude of its people. I remember attending Independence Day at Mount Herzl. I met a young man. Five of his family had been killed in a terrorist attack. He had been blinded. But there he was standing tall and strong and proud to be carrying one of the 12 torches of the tribes of Israel."
(Oh, those poor Israeli victims - better not mention the thousands of Palestinian victims)

"PM Netanyahu and Defence Minister Barak, with whom I work closely, deserve credit for the steps taken in response."
(I can't believe I said that.)

"Two years ago I could not have gone to Jenin. Now I go freely."
(I couldn't go to Jenin because my Israeli minders wouldn't let me)

"Sometimes people say to me: “Hey you used to be Prime Minister of a great nation, and now you spend your time examining earth mounds in obscure parts of Palestine, arguing why hospital workers should be able to travel into East Jerusalem, getting electricity and water to small villages outside Qualqilya.” They think I’ve gone down in the world; feel sorry for me."
(Actually nobody ever said that to me, but it sounds good. It's a bit like the 'Mondeo Man' bullshit. It's not my biggest lie after all)

"Iran’s regime is the biggest de-stabilising influence in the region."
(Bibi put that bit in. It goes down well here even if nobody else believes it)

"We will lift the scourge of extremism and bring hope to the world."
(I hope people don't think that means I'm surrendering myself for trial for war crimes)

The full emesis can be studied here.