"Summatup wi' yer peas, pal? Stop mernin'. Tha'll get nowt else from us tonight"
That's the way we're supposed to talk in Hull, according to somebody who writes for the Guardian, and thinks Hull is a suburb of Rotherham.
First sentence passes muster, but "tha"? The only people in Hull who say "tha" are John Godber and the South Yorkshire crew he's brought in to play Hull people at his Hull Truck Theatre. I'm assuming that that's the source of this hack's version of the Hull dialect and accent. Oh yes, and that abortion called "Learn Yourself 'Ull" or something similar, which was slapped together by some piss-taking southerner who came up here on the make. He's responsible for the "mernin'" myth. In Hull moaning and morning have the same pronunciation, and it's mornin' not mernin'. We don't call the Pope the Perp, we call him the Pawp, and we make fawn calls, not fern curls, you tin-eared twat!
Too late now; look up the Hull accent on the internet and you'll find all that fern curl nonsense. The wikipedia article on Hull repeats the falsehood, though qualifying it with "in and around parts of Hull", otherwise it's description is acceptable. What really annoys me is I see this crap repeated by Hull people who would rather believe what's written by some middle-class southerner than the evidence of their own ears. Is this the Hull version of the cultural cringe?